First Playdate since the DX

Today a few of us Mommies have a little playdate at Holly's house. This will be the first time Aden will go into a playdate with a diagnosis. I know that all of the mommies love me, and love my babies as well, but I can't help but feel like Aden is going to be watched or judged, just a little bit. I know the girls will want to know about everything that we learned in SD, and how I feel about it. I know that everyone will watch him if he starts to throw a fit, or doesn't speak when spoken to, or repeats. Maybe I'm just being a paranoid and protective Mommy. If people are curious about him, I had better get used to it. We decided not to keep his diagnosis a secret so I should get used to the small amount of attention it might bring. I hope that he will have an interest in talking to his friends, and not just an interest in Tyler's motorcycle :) I just feel so jittery this morning, like I need to prepare him or something. Maybe try to get some eggs into him! LOL I never used to be this way before a playdate. It seems like the initial numbness of that rainy day in San Diego is wearing off, and a sadness is quietly creeping in...

Prayers

Every night, we say the same prayer with the kids before they go to bed. Yesterday it was time for Ava to go down for her nap. Aden and I took her into her room and she crawled into bed. We knelt down by her and Aden folds his hands and leans right next to her face. Heclosed his eyes and said, "Dear God, fank you for dis day. Pwease bwess Mommy, Daddy, Aden and Ava. In Jesus name we pway, amen". Then he kissed her head and said, "Good night Ava, I love you. You a good girl". It was so sweet!

An Answer

Yesterday we spent four hours with a pediatric psychologist at Rady's Children's Hospital in San Diego. Aden was such a trooper. We were able to have 2 breaks, during which we would ride the glass elevator up and down. The skies were black and it rained all day so Aden couldn't play outside at all. I thought the rain was fitting. At the end of our long day, we sat with DR Bental and she gave us our answer. She diagnosed Aden with Autism. On the DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria form, there are 12 possible boxes that can be checked. A child must have 6 boxes checked in order to be formally diagnosed with autism. Aden had 9. Of course, he doesn't show these behaviors all of the time, but he showed each of them enough during our 4 hours that she had to check those boxes. Obviously I half expected him to have some sort of diagnosis, since we were having him tested, I knew there was a reason. I was just a little shocked. I expected something that wasn't as "heavy", I suppose. She made it sound so easy and lighthearted, telling us that his situation was "ideal" since he is so "high functioning". His diagnosis is not "high functioning autism" though, it is just "autism". She said that the best thing we could do for him is put him in preschool right away, so that he can be around good "models"...that's when I cried. I'd rather drive him to 5 therapies a day than drop him off to be in the care of someone else. I had always planned to send him to part time pre-k next year, but this just seems too soon. Anyway, we have a lot of work ahead of us. People keep telling me that he is still the same little boy he was, and that he will be fine. Of course I know this. I couldn't even count how many times I have heard this, like everyone thinks I'm going to forget how amazing he is. Now we go on, loving him, and begin to push him everyday to be the best boy he can be. I'm glad it's over, but it's just the beginning.

Here We Go...

On monday, my mother in law ended up coming over while Ava was asleep and just sat on the couch and listened for her so that I could go with Aden. Ava slept almost the entire time and had just woke up when I came home. She has been fine since then :) Aden's testing with the school district went well, but it wasn't what I had expected. They were basically only testing him on his cognitive abilities, and it had nothing to do with autism. He is quite smart, if I do say so myself, he just doesn't want to have conversations. At one point they held up a shape and Aden said, "Pentagon! A pentagon has 5 sides. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!" They were sort of baffled at the things that he knows at his age and said that his speech is above his age level. He just very clearly repeats everything you say. Anyway, we wont get his results until after Christmas break. Today we leave to spend the night in San Diego. Our appointment is at 9am tomorrow. I was so excited but today I woke up very nervous about it. I'm just so fearful that he will freak out when we leave him with the doctors, and that it will be a really bad experience for him. Scott and I have no idea how it will be, if we'll be able to watch him the whole time or if we have to sit in the waiting room. I told him we should just go see a movie to keep from going crazy during these 4 hours! Ava will be spending the night at Miss Holly's house, and I am so grateful that I won't have to worry about her while we are gone. She loves Tyler and will be very distracted by all of his toys :)

I sort of feel like today will be our last "normal" day. Normal, no diagnosis, no therapy, just a happy, normal day with a happy little boy (who very clearly repeats everything you say!). Sometimes I wonder why we are even bothering with all of this. I think Aden is so wonderful and smart. Why are we doing this? But then I remember, when he won't have a conversation with me. Last night Scott brought home our Christmas tree and he was so afraid of it! So cute, but so bizarre. He ran all the way to the kitchen and jumped up on his chair to hide from it. We're going to decorate it today, maybe make some cookies to take with us. I'd appreciate everyone's prayers for our family as we step into the unknown. I already feel like my faith is being tested, and we haven't even left yet. I'll update when we get home on Saturday.

Struggling

I'm so frustrated! Ava woke up at 5:45am and has thrown up four times. Today is Aden's testing at the school district at 9:30am. Basically, either Scott or myself will have to stay home with her and miss Aden's testing. This is the one test that we will be allowed to be present for. Of course, I'm his mother so I want to be the one who goes. I also set up all of these appointments and have filled out all of the paper work myself. Then there is Scott, who thinks he should go, just because he wants to go (very understandable). So now I'm torn between staying with my daughter who is ill, or going with my son who is being tested for developmental delays. Prayer please!

My Noggin...

...is killing me. I have had migraines for as long as I can remember. They have sent me to urgent care, the emergency room and in for CAT scans multiple times. Of course, DRs never find a tumor, I just have migraines. Migraines that make me throw up, make my face go numb and my vision to blur. My migraines scoff at Tylenol, Advil, Motrin and more. BLAH. So now I'm waiting for Scott to get home so that I can go to urgent care and put myself out of my misery. Prescription medication, here I come! I've never been so excited to drug myself...