Some days, I swim in a pool of warm and inviting love that my children pour for me. We have picnics in our backyard, we paint birdhouses and hang them in the deep purple tree that I used to hate. Some days, we cook dinner together for Daddy, making a mess of the kitchen and not caring. Other days, though, aren't as pretty. Other days, are downright ugly....
He threw a wooden block at my head and split it open. When it bled, I cried. When I cried, he laughed. The harder he laughed, the harder I cried. Aden's Autism makes it difficult for him to understand emotion...it also prevents him from reacting to it properly. When he saw me so upset, all he could go was fall on the floor and laugh. In my moment of hysterics and pain, all I wanted to do was scream, "Do you remember how I lovingly put clean jammies on you and brought you to my bed this morning to snuggle after you had an accident?! Do you care that I take care of you everyday and do everything I can to show love to you?!?!?!?!" He didn't remember that, though. He just laughed. I sent him to his room, where he happily played with his toys. Not a care in the world. Not a shred of remorse. Later, when I had collected myself, I showed his my head, and he understood, and was shocked.
"Mommy, I broke you!" he said, wide eyed.
"Yes Buddy, you did, because you threw your toy."
"Mommy, I won't throw my toys anymore, and I'll make you all better. (kiss). There! Is it better now?!?!?!"
"No, but it will be."
Some days are hard.
Posts
3 comments:
i hope your head feels better!
Some days are down right ugly, with or without autism. Our children so often bring us to our knees, don't they? I heard recently, "The challenges of raising a child are as much for the sanctification of the parents as they are for the benefit of the child." We are being refined through every experience of motherhood. Somedays, it's just too difficult but we keep our hope in the Lord and know that He means it for our good and His glory. I'm proud of you.
awhhh. . . . . so sorry sweetie. I can imagine that would be so hard in general, and then to have it compounded with autism. . . well. . . . God knew that that sweet little boy needed you for his mother!!
Post a Comment